The three little letters I.V.F bring up various feelings for me.

I admit that I used to look at those letters as a sign of scandal and a mix of curiosity – “ooh, so-and-so are having trouble conceiving, do you think they will try IVF?” have been whispered during gossip sessions. Or, “did you know, so-and-so is in her late 30’s and have twins/triplets, they must have used IVF!”

But now, my perspective has changed.

As of nearly 6 months ago, my husband and I were given the advice from our GP to seriously look into IVF & ICSI treatment – right away, due to my husband’s sperm motility results. Coming from our GP who is generally quite calm and relaxed, we were surprised about his insistence and urgency in his tone and manner.

We immediately researched into his suggestion – through Google and YouTube videos, and were pleased to have come across a wealth of information.

But through our research, we were emotional. Never did we think that we would be one of those people that required help with fertility. We are relatively young, successful, and healthy! It was quite a  shock to say the least and we were humbled quickly by reality.

It was however, reassuring to know that there are other couples have fertility issues. More so than what we had imagined as this is not a topic that you would just casually bring up. Somehow, it’s just not appropriate to discuss the details of your husband’s sperm count and/or with your issues ovulating over a shrimp cocktail at a dinner party.

With that said, I think it is important to spread more awareness of this sensitive topic. I am happy to share my experience on this blog as it is a way for me to express my emotions in a safe space and to also give back to others in a similar situation.

So now, these three little letters mean so much to us. Hope. Opportunity. Life. And a possible solution to a seemingly hopeless situation.

I am feeling so grateful for the opportunity that technology/IVF has presented us with and we really pray for a healthy baby at the end of the process.

I will try to document my experience to the best of my abilities, but feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions along the way in the “leave a comment” section!


And so it begins..

I was never the girl to push the tiny pram carrying a plastic miniature baby, nor the woman that would fuss and coo over a stranger’s infant.

Instead, in my brave twenties, I proclaimed that I wasn’t interested to have children as I was too busy with my career, travelling, shopping sprees, and socializing with my friends. Those were my priorities then, and I was proud of my accomplishments.

Writing a client brief at 1am? No problem! Weekend plans to Bangkok, KL, Phuket, would be decided on a whim with friends on a Thursday evening.  Splurges on Prada bags, spas, and fancy meals were the only therapy that I required when the stress level got too high. I felt like a free and liberated woman, on top of the world and nothing – especially a baby, would stop me from living my life in the fast lane.

However, in between my hectic life, I frequently received unsolicited advice and reminders from young moms and “helpful” Aunties, who constantly reminded me that my “biological clock is ticking”, and I often received a mixture of feelings of pride/shame over my career success. A complicated balance, as the Chinese are surprisingly pro-equality in some aspects and consider a woman having a “good job” to be celebrated, but not so much that if you are a woman who have reached a “certain age”, that you should want to settle down, get married and have children right away.

Though a bit annoying, I suspected that everyone was coming from a good place, but it all just encouraged me to be even more diligent in my birth control.

Fast forward to now.

Now, I am almost in my mid-thirties, married to a wonderful and caring husband, living in the big city of London – and we want children.

I guess the Aunties and other young moms really did know better – or at least, in my case, I succumbed.

All of the women that I was just partying, travelling, and working with, have suddenly gotten married and/or have become pregnant. Those that didn’t, flirted with the idea of having a baby and discussed their views during after work dinners – that were supposed to be only reserved for scandalous gossip, and suddenly shopping trips now consisted of detours of cute teeny-tiny baby things. All of my female circles (and even some brave male friends) embraced the idea of bringing a new life into the world.

I guess the peer pressure/influence had gotten to me. A combination of peer pressure/influence and the meeting of my husband to be precise. Who would have ever thought that I would want to be a mom!

And famous last words… how hard can this be? So many of my friends have gotten pregnant on literally their first try! And, all these years of trying not to get pregnant, well, having a baby should just be a piece of cake..right?

And so it begins, my journey (together with my husband) of becoming a mom.